it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
