I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Umm I'm too high to move.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
