im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
