for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
