no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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