i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
