Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
