Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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