jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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