FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
