and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize