I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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