I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
