just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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