i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
