Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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