Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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