I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
