I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
