I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize