if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
