That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
