is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
two words: eviction party
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize