Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if only i could text you this smell
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
