I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
