4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
