I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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