Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dear god my vagina.
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