i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
