i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
