I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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