pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
True strength comes from lack of pants
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
