$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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