My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
