Do you still have your period?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
