So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize