Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I puked a lego.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
