you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
