So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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