his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
