bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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