Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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