i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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