I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize