I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
