We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We are all done wearing pants today
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
