that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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