you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
