fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
