Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
