My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
