i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
