hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
false alarm. still invincible.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
