at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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