The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
