so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
