where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
