It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
