Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
