It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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