and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We need to get me chipped asap
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
