My friends, they love my intelligence
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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