I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
His nipple licking is glorious
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