I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
