i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh god it's open bar.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
