just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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