Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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