its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
