We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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