just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
