i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
