I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
