Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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