her vagine was all disorganized.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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