After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
