i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
