don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
