Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
