Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
from now on my penis is your penis
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
