So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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