he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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