My room smells like vodka and shame
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
