Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
