Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
