My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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