One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
