Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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