just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize